Home » What Is the Cost Of Deconstructionizm?

What Is the Cost Of Deconstructionizm?

by Debbie Butler

How Much Does It Cost to Be A Good Citizen?

To fit in, we have to distort ourselves in so many different ways that it finally becomes intolerable and the prison we are in must be broken. When this occurs, we attempt to flee, but we are typically at a loss and, due to ingrained tendencies, keep going around in circles, arriving back where we started. We picked up these routines as kids, but as adults they became our prisons. Understanding is one technique to get out of a rut.

We don’t know why we can’t get out of this trap, but the answer is straightforward. Because we’ve never employed a different strategy to get out of it, we’ve been conditioned to keep going in the same direction and are unable to perceive a different path. Only after several attempts at solving the problem can we conclude that we are still in the same position as before. The only way out is via observation and, eventually, comprehension. Understanding suffering will help us navigate our circumstances and find inner peace.

Families and Control

Families are a powerful conditioning force. In a family, everyone believes that their needs must be satisfied. No one’s needs are addressed because they are not listening to one another. They gossip behind each other’s backs and have predetermined expectations for every member of the family. When you’ve been cast in a part, it’s nearly impossible to change. As kids get older, adhering to this position is the only way to be accepted. Being good is intended to get family acceptance and blend in. If we are not like that, we will be abandoned and have no friends.

Families’ main goal is to socialize their members to keep them under control. Members are already split based on how much difficulty each one is expected to produce from an early age. Although it may seem inconceivable, people do treat one another in this manner daily.

Parental Love and Conforming

Parents do not all love their children equally, and they frequently demonstrate this to them. Although they may appear to be caring, they are projecting their own fears of the child or rejection onto them. The child is raised to emulate all their parents value in life and is expected to be the “best”, whatever that happens to be to the parents. The children’s parts have already been assigned by the parents. What is expected of each child is modelled for them. Children are disciplined if they don’t meet expectations. Without warning, they are shouted at, grounded, sent outside, or spanked.

The child does not see unfair treatment; rather, they believe that their parents are fair and just. As a result, they willingly adopt the roles they have been taught to play. Given that a child has been socialized into their conduct from birth, this situation appears surreal. These positions don’t match them as unique people, but rather as the “model” offspring of their parents.

Parents teach their children how to behave well within their given society. The child might not agree, but they won’t give up being included by not agreeing. If they break the rules, they are constantly warned to cease and are disciplined. In this way, they fear what will happen to them if their parents discover who they are beneath the surface. Their freedom of expression is a privilege that can be denied at any time.

We pick up on this fear early in life and typically carry it with us throughout our lives. Although we may not comprehend why we must behave in this way, obedience is a given. We have only ever been trained to live this way, and it is the only way our culture expects us to live.

Starting to Learn

Education can be transformed into a place of comfort, allowing children to discover an understanding different from the role they have learned to conform within.

Through the broader experience of the world, they may grow up with a sense of pride in who they are as individuals and not conform to an expected role. The contrast between who they are, and their conditioning is a challenge to be met. It is one we seldom realize, let alone take.

No Longer a Child and No Longer a Slave

We become more liberated as we get more knowledge about who we are and the world around us. We start to realize that there are numerous strategies for living a life with less misery. We also begin to see how each of us entered this planet believing that suffering was a necessary component of life. However, when we have a clear vision of the world and refuse to accept the way we have been taught to behave, this conditioning can alter. Although suffering is a fact of life, through understanding, suffering no longer controls us.

Even though there is no reality or truth to this obedience system, many individuals nevertheless hold it to be true. Since the youngster doesn’t know anything else, they believe what they are told and have every reason to trust their caregivers. The need to satisfy the caretakers around them is the root cause of habitual actions.

Adult Rebellion

It is difficult to rebel against early indoctrination since it is simpler to obey than to understand. When someone acts morally, they perceive themselves to be moral, therefore they have nothing to improve or alter about themselves. The person does not recognize that their moral system is fabricated, therefore, have nothing to criticize or change about themselves. The individual sees all the faults in others but not within themselves. The thought of trying something different frightens them, even if they suffer a lot. Most individuals remain imprisoned in this painful cycle of cruel stalemate out of fear of trying something different.

This taught system is flawed as an adult since it is no longer useful to you in the same way that it was when you were a child. We can analyse and examine the beliefs we were taught, viewing them as guidelines rather than absolute truths. Once we understand that these people are not motivated to be right since, like us, they do not know what is true, seeing the truth is freeing. People may be mistaken since they may not possess all knowledge. Seeing that you cannot know everything is liberating.

You recognize that other grownups are flawed now that you are an adult. You are able to view things clearly, therefore you are not needed to take any roles or titles unless they are beneficial to you. You might not be able to change your current circumstances, but you can start to understand how you fit into this system, and that freedom in and of itself.

Your awareness of your lack of free will in the scenario sharpens your observation, which starts to disprove what you previously believed to be true. You start to realize how you’ve been trained to be the unhappy person you were.

Why Do We Avoid Understanding?

Overly critical people are afraid to examine their own behaviour more closely. As a result, they will judge, project, and denigrate others, labelling them as inferior to themselves. Because they do not know how to live without expecting things to be exactly as they want them to be, these people are perpetually dissatisfied and unfulfilled.

They have a preconceived notion of how things ought to be, and no matter how positive or negative the result, that is where things start. The person who is too critical may be terrified of the different options and ideas that are offered to them to make them feel better. They are afraid of having to put in any effort. The only thing they can deduct from this is that, even if it succeeds, they might have to take the initiative. Most people are afraid of taking the risk because they would prefer to endure their suffering in secret than to make the effort to reveal and comprehend what has been occurring to them and why. It’s impossible to avoid. Avoidance is a Catch 22.

How I Overcame the Darkness

When you start being aware of the feelings and thoughts that ruled your life, you might wonder why some lived like this and others lived so differently. When I started looking at this, it wasn’t apparent to me because I would never have thought about these things before. But when I started thinking about them a lot, the world made more sense.

It helped when I sensed my body and observed the tensions that arise due to my emotions and imagination. I noticed that I was pretty rigid and stuck in my experiences, even though I had no reason for it.

I was led to discover how to have a different perspective on things. There were many things in my life that I had not noticed before. When I start noticing myself, I saw what was happening and how I affect my thinking. I began to feel very angry about this, but I realized that the problem is not with other people or life itself. The problem is within me.

Understanding myself was my escape hatch out of the prison of compliance. I am so much happier since understanding how my imagination triggers my emotions and causes pain in my body. It’s all related, and the core to understanding it is through simple practice. Like learning scales to play the piano, this practice builds on itself, and it belongs to me. It’s not the property of a therapist, doctor, or any outside influence. It’s mine.

 

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